Let me tell you a story about ancient Greece, and how the Greeks are (at least partly) responsible for the infantilization of women we still experience in the West today.

Many of us know that homosexuality was a bit more accepted in ancient Greek culture than in the modern West. But it’s probably less known that there was a dark undercurrent to the way Greeks thought about sex and gender.

Boys and men

The Greeks were deeply patriarchal and misogynist. It was not, in fact, culturally acceptable for two grown men to have romantic relationships with each other.

Why?

Well, it’s not because same-sex interactions were labeled “unnatural”, as in Christianized cultures. Not at all.

It was, actually, quite acceptable – and even common – for grown men to woo, romance, and have sexual relationships with younger boys. It was seen as a sort of mentorship, or a way for men to draw boys into adulthood.

So why was this different than romance between two men?

Because – wait for it! – young boys were thought to be on the same level as grown women.

That’s right. It was all about power, dominance, and control. It was shameful for two men to have sex, because dominance was the basic nature of manhood and masculinity.

Sex, in ancient Greece, was never about two equals simply experiencing mutual pleasure. For them, there was always a dominant participant and a passive participant. Women were expected to be passive receivers. Boys could be passive receivers. But men could not, by definition.

Girls and… taller girls?

There was a very sinister implication here. Boys were able to grow up and become men. Girls, essentially, grew up and became… taller, sexier girls.

In other words, women were suppressed because it was understood that they were fundamentally inferior to men. They were seen not only as weaker, but as less developed.

Women did not have the higher ability to reason that men did. They were not deserving of independence.

A side note: There was a time in ancient Greece when women were very much restricted to the home, and given the room furthest to the back of the house. They were supposed to be out of sight, out of mind. Whenever they did leave the house, they had to be covered, or veiled.

Today, the West is very critical of Middle Eastern cultures that enforce the public veiling of women, saying it’s unacceptably sexist, and yet the ancient culture that most influenced western thought had a history of treating women much the same way. Just saying.

Implications for today

Now, this was a long time ago. But Greek values and mindsets have deeply influenced western culture, to this day. Echoes of this suppression continue to exist all around us.

The way we talk about “guys and girls” is an example of this.

I see this in movies a lot, where a 25-year-old male character is perceived as an adult, maybe even referred to as a “man” or “young man”, but a 25-year-old female character is referred to as a “girl”.

This is sexist language. Full stop.

When we call adult females “girls” in situations where we wouldn’t call adult males or the same age “boys”, we are using language that is rooted in a long history (a.k.a. thousands of years) of oppressing women, justified by their infantilization.

Because if a woman is not as developed as a man, then she does not deserve the dignity of independent will. She does not deserve the same levels of education or respect. She does not deserve power.

She should be delicately watched over and reigned in, like a child.

Like a girl.

Even if you don’t mean anything by that word, “girl”, it still subconsciously affects us. Our words reinforce external and internalized biases about what women are capable of, and – here’s a big one – how much they should be taken seriously.

This implicit bias flows into behaviors like men talking over women, ignoring their voices, not believing their stories, talking down to them, mansplaining, etc.

The infantilization of femininity

There’s another term that functions in a similar way: “girlish”.

We make femininity itself something youthful and immature. In order to be seen as mature and serious, a woman must behave in ways that are more culturally perceived as “masculine”.

The way a woman presents, how she dresses and styles her hair and projects her voice and carries her body, is made cutesy if it is too feminine past a certain age. If she wants to be seen as authoritative, she must lean into a more masculine presentation.

It’s as if femininity is inherently tied to youth and immaturity, when in fact, femininity is an inherently human style of being that should be valid for anyone of any gender.

Speaking as a somewhat tomboyish woman, I’m not saying that femininity is true womanliness, or that it’s bad or shameful to become less feminine as you grow older. For me, embracing my masc side was a large part of finding myself and stepping into adulthood. But that’s who I am.

If a woman becomes less feminine as she grows older, I hope it’s because that’s really her, not because society is telling her that she has to bury that aspect of herself to be taken seriously.

Another disclaimer: There is such a thing as childish behavior that does not belong in adult settings. It should not, however, be disproportional among the genders. And it is.

You can test this right now, at home. If I tell you a man is acting “like a boy” (i.e., he’s enjoying his video game or a new gadget), what are the images and emotions that come immediately to mind? Now, if I tell you a woman is acting “like a girl”, what are the images and emotions that come immediately to mind?

Do you see a difference? Is one more condescending?

Conclusion

We need to engrain into our culture the following concept:

feminine ≠ childish

because

female ≠ child.

What’s a small step we can take? Change our language.

Stop saying “guys and girls” unless you are literally talking about children. Stop calling adult female humans “girls”. WE ARE WOMEN. Treat adults like adults, and refer to us as such.

Why does this matter? Because the ancient Greeks were wrong. Women have every level of mental acuity as men, and every capability of independent thought and independent will.

It’s about time our language and behavior reflected that.

End notes

This blog post originated as a thread on Twitter. All image credits: Unsplash.

Historical references are from The Other Side of History by Professor Robert Garland, Ph.D., and Ancient Greek Civilization by Professor Jeremy McInerney, Ph.D.